Facing the Dilemma of Dementia

Many of my residents live in their own “special” world.  Their minds have changed in mysterious ways.  It isn’t relevant whether it is Alzheimer’s Disease, dementia, or a vascular deficiency that is altering their thinking.   The end result is often the same.  Our loved ones remain in their own familiar body while their personalities morph into people we don’t recognize.  Occasionally, this different person is content, at ease and accepting of the new place that their mind has taken them.  But, more often than not, the new place is confusing and frightening.

Virginia is a charming and attractive.  She has a fluffy cloud of white hair that is bright and shiny and thick.  Her eyes are hazel brown, clear and bright; her glaring eye contact never timid. Virginia is kind, lovable, polite and accommodating.  Her biggest challenge is her memory.  She cannot retain a thought for more than several minutes, and she uncontrollably and incessantly repeats the same questions time after time.  If someone politely answers each question, that answer is lost to her in less than a minute or two.

Virginia is obsessed with spending time with her daughters and returning to her home.  Although she admits she is happy and feels secure in the community, she is focused on her former life as a mother and caregiver for her children.   Nervous and uneasy, she searches frantically for phone numbers to contact her family.   Sadly, after speaking with one of them, she will not remember a few minutes later.  Unwittingly, she will compulsively call again, and again and again.

At a time when Virginia should feel relaxed and content, she is forever anxious and apprehensive.  She cannot sit for more than 5 or ten minutes.   Unsettled and nervous, Virginia paces the living room and entryway.   She cannot focus on bingo, exercise, crafts, or even professional musical entertainment.  She is obsessed about being away from her girls every minute of every day.

Virginia was a dedicated grade school teacher.  When she becomes agitated and frustrated we distract her with various word games.  She will sit for a short period recalling her English skills to concentrate on word puzzles and anagrams.  Her attention spam is short, but her beaming smile symbolizes her success when she is able to focus and complete one of the puzzles.  From time to time, Virginia will

 solicit the staff for chores to assist them. We keep a ream of multi-colored paper at hand.  Feeling useful, she adeptly sorts the colors.  She returns the organized stack to us not recalling that she had finished the same task the day before.

Virginia’ solicitation for attention can be somewhat irksome, but she is a welcome sweet addition to our community.  It takes patience and understanding to join her world everyday, and it is emotionally trying to watch her always restless and troubled; we strive to keep her content. 

It troubles me to watch Virginia.  Not because she is confused, nor is it because she needs above average supervision.  Her universe is small and getting smaller.  Virginia cannot find a space in it where she is content.  She was a great mom, a woman with an above average intelligence, and a truly nice person.   I cannot eradicate the dementia, but I wish that I could help her find some special place in her mind where she can peacefully finish the rest of her life.  I regret that I can’t.